How to Improve Communication in Relationships

1. Communication - the definition.

Communication is viewed as a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior. Communication is the sending and receiving of information and can be one-on-one or between groups of people, and can be face-to-face or through communication devices. 

Communication requires a sender, the person who initiates communication, to transfer their thoughts or encode a message. This message is sent to the receiver, a person who receives the message, and finally, the receiver must decode, or interpret the message.

One of the most important aspects of communication is listening.

2. Importance of communication 

Communication is the basis of existence. All that we see is born out of communication. It's practically impossible to have culture, society, or civilization without the ability to communicate with one another. 

Good communication prevents wars and misunderstandings, helps us meet our needs, establishes rules and laws that aid in the structuring of society, helps people find and keep employment, provides information and guidance to people, and passes down cultural traditions, norms, and values.

It can minimize rumination. Rumination has since been found to be associated with more depressive episodes, greater severity of depression, and longer depression episodes. Instead of stewing over negative feelings, good communication allows people to discuss their concerns and resolve them in a more positive, effective way.

Communication fosters intimacy. Forming a close emotional connection with another person requires a mutual give-and-take when it comes to sharing things about yourself and listening to the other person. This reciprocal self-disclosure means talking about your experiences, beliefs, values, opinions, and expectations. In order to do this, you both need to possess communication skills that foster this connection and allow it to grow and deepen with time. 

It reduces and resolves conflict. Every relationship is bound to experience conflict from time to time. When you are able to talk about your problems in an open and honest way, however, you can resolve arguments and disagreements more readily. Rather than getting caught up in a cycle of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and emotional strife, you can address your problems and take steps to improve your relationship.

Two adages to keep in mind about communication:

• You can't stop communicating (i.e. we're always communicating, even passively/subconsciously)

• You can't take back what you communicate once it's been put out into the universe (i.e. be careful how and what you communicate)

3. How to improve communication in relationships

Communication is vital for healthy relationships. Being able to talk openly and honestly with the people in your life allows you to share, learn, respond, and forge lasting bonds. This is a vital part of any relationship, including those with friends and family, but it can be particularly important in romantic relationships.

Criticisms, defensiveness, silence, and feeling misunderstood are just a few signs of communication problems in a relationship. And a lack of arguing isn't necessarily a sign that you're communicating well. Instead, it may mean you are holding back in order to avoid conflict.

Improvement by re-discovery. If you are in a long-term romantic relationship, you have spent enough time with your partner to feel like you know them inside-out. You anticipate how they react in certain situations, however, your idea of who they are may lead to missing an opportunity to re-discover them. This often has a negative impact on how we communicate in a romantic relationship—relationships are all about remaining curious about who the other person really is and how they see the world. But, after so many years, how can you see your partner in a different light?

Always think positively about your partner. Unhealthy verbal communication often starts with negative thoughts or difficult emotions rather than words. Dwelling on positive thoughts and emotions creates an atmosphere of positive vibes and improved communication.

Assume only the best for your partner. Put them on a pedestal for being so great and then talk to them in an appropriate way. Wouldn’t you like to be spoken to as if you were valued, appreciated, respected, and loved no matter what? In response, how would you react to someone who thought so highly of you? What comes around goes around. You will see your communication improve drastically.

Be Fully Present. In order to make sure couples are listening and understanding, minimize distractions and focus on being fully present when they are communicating. This might involve setting aside time each day to really focus on one another and talk about the events of the day and any concerns they may have. 

Limiting device use at certain times of day, such as during meals or at bedtime, can be a great way to focus on your partner without having your attention pulled in different directions.

Use “I” Statements. Sometimes the way that we talk to each other can play a major role in communication problems. If we are both focusing on arguing facts without talking about feelings, arguments can quickly turn into debates over who is "right" or who gets the last word.

"I" statements are focused on what you are feeling instead of your partner’s behavior. For example, instead of saying “You are never on time,” you might say “I get worried when you don’t arrive on time.” Using this type of statement can help conversations seem less accusatory or blaming and instead help you and your partner focus on the emotions behind some of the issues you are concerned about.

Use Positive Communication Patterns. When you are tempted to engage in behavior like ignoring your partner, using passive-aggressive actions, or yelling, consider how your actions will negatively affect your relationship. It isn’t always easy to change these patterns, since many of them formed in childhood, but becoming more aware of them can help you start to replace these destructive behaviors with healthier, more positive habits.

Focus on Your Relationship. While good communication is important, research suggests that it is just one of many factors that impact the success, duration, and satisfaction in relationships.  In fact, research seems to suggest that your satisfaction with your relationship might predict how well you and your partner communicate. The more satisfied people are in their relationship, the more likely they are to openly talk about their thoughts, feelings, concerns, and problems with one another.